Timidly addressing the internet: “My name is Alan King and I am a lapsed writer.”
Humanity as a disembodied collective, in a sing-songy chorus: “Hello Alan”
It all started in 1981 on the northside of Chicago and for many years I navigated largely unnoticed by any cosmic metrics. I lived in an affluent neighborhood called the Gold Coast and subsisted on Nintendo, deep dish pizza and the Chicago Cubs. My family moved to San Francisco when I was 10 years old to an affluent neighborhood called Presidio Heights (do you notice a theme here?) where I led my basketball team in assists and slapping the floor on defense throughout middle school. I then moved back to Chicago for high school and attended Loyola Academy in Wilmette, IL where I learned the difference between a homily and a sermon, an appreciation for classic literature and how to roll a joint. I then parlayed these skills into a 4-year sojourn at the University of Virginia where I majored in Psychology, adopted a persona (A.K.) who mirrored Charles Bukowski/The Dude and left a trail of emotionally unfulfilled girlfriends in my wake. After that, I walked the earth like Caine from Kung Fu for 4 years eventually ending back up in Charlottesville, VA in 2008 where I officially began my “adult life”. I worked for over a decade in student housing where I oversaw the building and frequent hosing down of many undergrad flop houses. During COVID I began working for a Fortune 100 company that builds intercontinental ballistic missiles and lets me work remotely while wearing pajamas. I have two amazing daughters, Eva (8) and Sybbie (4), who are the basis for everything good about me. With The Clumsy Interloper I hope to chronicle my impending mid-life crisis and empty out my notebook in the process. If you’ve read this far, it means you’re likely related to me.
The Clumsy Interloper 