The Clumsy Interloper

I look in the bathroom mirror every day before I leave the house, however I barely pay attention to who I see. As I would treat a stranger on a train, my reflection and I occupy the same space but I maintain an aloof stance. I’m a brooding robot, a replicant with an algorithmic mission. I scan for errant hairs. I floss my teeth for stowaway food. I probe my ears as a lackadaisical proclivity, not because it is required but because Q-tips are plentiful. I seldom catch and hold my own gaze, as my morning thoughts hover erratically overhead like a hummingbird without a place to land. I am busied with weariness and wearied by busyness. The bathroom routine often draws out into a spiritual drudgery that occurs devoid of consideration for the larger forces at play.

To inject some levity into this perfunctory weigh station, sometimes I channel my inner Stuart Smalley and improv a goofy character. I speak a non-sequitur of my thoughts like I am an actor over-narrating a schlocky screenplay. This is a distraction to achieve a smile, a bank shot of a ploy to entertain my offline consciousness. Sometimes the earbuds are in – piping fresh news stories and hot takes into my cranium so I can better socially merge with the herd later in the day. However, normally, I am just alone at the mirror and removed from it all.

Yesterday, something happened. For some reason I played this meditation while I got ready. The chords awoke something deep inside me. I lingered. My gaze widened.

Ah-so. Ah-so.

I stared deeply into my soul while I brushed my teeth. I held compassion for myself and placed my hand over my heart in silence. A wave of acceptance washed over me.  

Ah-so. Ah-so.

The tedium dimmed and the lightness arose. A deep breath. Another one. The words trickled down like rain into my reservoir, filling me up.

Ah.

So.

***

I want to know who I really am

As if in each of us

There once was a fire

And for some of us

There seem as if there are only ashes now

But when we dig in the ashes

We find one ember

And very gently we fan that ember

Blow on it, it gets brighter

And from that ember we rebuild the fire

Only thing that’s important is that ember

That’s what you and I are here to celebrate

That though we’ve lived our life totally involved in the world

We know

We know that we’re of the spirit

…

The ember gets stronger

Flame starts to flicker a bit

And pretty soon you realize that all we’re going to do for eternity

is sit around the fire