The Clumsy Interloper

When I came across a non-drinker in the wild, especially in a social setting where everyone was drinking, my mind instantly started churning out assumptions. Recovering alcoholic. Religious. Pregnant. Raised by Alcoholics. Designated Driver. Uptight. After all, these were the only possible reasons why a person would abstain. I had a highly ingrained narrative about what alcohol represented both to me and society at large. This magic elixir was an icebreaker, companion, therapist and prankster. There was a different cocktail for every culture, holiday, event, food and setting. Toasts with champagne, tailgates with bourbon, date nights with wine and ball games with beer. Life just tasted better with a little kick so therefore the non-drinker must have a good reason not to unwind and enjoy themselves. In 25 years of drinking it never occurred to me that drinking might ultimately be more harmful than beneficial. My personal experiences and beliefs insulated me from this possibility. The ubiquity of alcohol in culture served as a road sign that I was on the correct path. Asking someone who enters your home “Can I offer you a drink?” is synonymous with to saying “Bless you” when hearing a sneeze. Yet through all this conditioning and social pressure, I finally felt ready to take a (pun-intended) sober look at the topic.

“One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.” – Brendan Behan

Before I venture further, I want to state categorically that I am not attempting to virtue signal. This is not a call to action where I implore you to take a humbling self-inventory and follow me into the light. That’s not how this works. If you’ve read this far with an open mind, that’s all I can really ask. I’m not here plant my flag atop alcohol-free mountain and bellow into an alphorn down at the drunken masses below. I simply want to acknowledge that we all have a journey to make and this is where I am. We are all figuring this out together and there is no correct route and truly no finish line either.

Sobriety has granted me more energy, motivation, patience, money (drinking ain’t cheap!) and time. My consciousness is no longer a diluted version but rather my naked mind experiencing everything on the level. Today I blend into parties with an NA beer or a cranberry & soda with no hangups or regrets. The difficulty in transitioning to this lifestyle is less about missing alcohol but more about meditating on the reasons why I held onto it for so long. I learned that my propensity for drinking was created by modeling, social acceptance and need to quiet painful feelings and thoughts. When I finally let go, my body and mind could finally exhale. I felt whole again.

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If you are sober curious, I would highly recommend reading or listening to This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She illustrates how the Great Alcohol Myth is sold through advertisements to make us appear happier, smarter, sexier and more refined based on the contents of our glass. Further she underscores how our subconscious prompts the desire to drink even when our conscious brain has reservations about the consequences. In her book she systematically untangles this hardwired belief structure and sets the stage for “spontaneous sobriety” where you abstain without the feeling of deprivation.

I would also recommend listening to this Rich Roll podcast with Andy Ramage who is the author who co-founded One Year No Beer. A very worthwhile conversation on the benefits of alcohol-free living.

Mahalo and thank you for coming to my TED Talk.